Happy New Year!

2013.  We made it!  Those Mayans were just full of themselves.  I wasn’t worried, I swear.  I knew I would be able to celebrate another birthday (Dec. 29) and I did.

So it’s 12 days into the New Year and I thought, “I haven’t written a blog post since November.”  I haven’t even wrote and update on my NaNoWriMo progress.  I won!!  That means I wrote 50,000 words to a novel (50,013 to be exact) .  What!  Yes, and trust me that was a huge feat for me.  I’ve never been so proud of myself.  Then somewhere in the middle of December I remembered, I didn’t finish the novel.  oops!  So of Course my inner critic have  been letting me have it.  I’m not really a winner because I didn’t finish the book and I’m not acting like I ever will.

So that’s been happening.

But I decided not to let it ruin my holidays.  I had time with the family, took pictures, received surprising and wonderful gifts and just relaxed.  I celebrated being 1 year older (blah) and celebrated seeing another year pass (I made it!).  Then back to work.

Now, on the 12th of January 2013, I’m tired, already.  I’m ready for a vacation.  Like the week took I in December never happened.  I’m waiting for the next 3-day weekend (off the 21st, yes!) so I can rest.  If this is how it’s going to be, then it’s going to be a long year.  And I’m starting off wrong, I’m dreading writing again.

“But it’s a New Year and a New Start!”  That’s what the Sunny Sunshine part of me is screaming.  The Cynic, the dark and twisty (shout out to Grey’s) side of me is softly saying “You will never change.  This will be yet another wasted year and your dreams won’t ever be realized.”

Why is the Cynic, who speaks softly, 100 times louder than the Sunny Sunshine?


I’ve made it another year.  I’m proud and blessed for that.  But this year, I have to kill the Cynic.  She’s strong and have a passion to live.  But she has to die, or at least lose her voice.  She fights back when I try to kill her and she has a powerful punch.  Her right hook will leave me avoiding  my computer for days.  And she is best friends with the Critic.  Together they are far worse than the mean girls in High school.  They are dream-killers.  Yet, the Critic can be a ok chick when she is alone and constructive.

Not this year though.  Although I’m not Sunny Sunshine (I hate her in the mornings, especially when she wakes me up before 5am), I need Sunny to keep me going.  She is encouraging, life-affirming, excited, and also passionate about her life.  And she likes to shout.  And use all caps.  She is annoying as heck but I need  her on this path.  She shouts, “YOU CAN DO IT!”  “YOU’RE A STAR!”  “YOU ARE PRETTY AND CAN WRITE!”  Thanks Sunny!  I do feel pretty today.

I don’t know what adventures that God has for me, or what bumps, hills or curves the road might take but I know that this year will be different because I’m striving to be different.

Are you doing New Year’s resolutions?  Are you worried that things won’t change?   How do you quiet you inner cynic?


15,000 to Go

So this will be a quick post.

I only have 15,000 words left to go to be a WINNER at NaNoWriMo.  Just 15,000 words left.  So far I have written over 35,000 words.  So why do 15,000 feel like the biggest mountain I have ever seen?

I’m right there.  So close to the finish line.  Roughly 3,000 words a day and I’m through.  HELP ME!

I feel like chucking it all and going to bed.  I’m worn down, tired and out of ideas.  But it’s only 15,000 words.  At least that what I keep telling myself.

So this post will be short.  I have to get back.  I have to write at least 3,000 today.  Then I’ll let  tomorrow worry about itself and get on finishing my goal for tonight.

Have you ever finished a Goal?  Did the finish line seem far away?  How do you motivate yourself to keep going?

Getting Over the Hump

7298.  That’s how many words I written for NaNoWriMo. 7298. That’s the most words that I’ve written for any of the novels that I have planned on writing in the past.  Heck, 1 was more words than I’ve ever written, but I digress.  Now I feel stuck.   I feel unmotivated and just plain frozen.  I  feel like I have written myself to a brick wall and I have no idea how to get over it, around it or under it.  It’s just here tormenting me.  What’s worse is that it’s not the blank page that is intimidating me, it the next paragraph.


That’s a lot of words for some people.  For someone who is going for 50,000 it’s a drop in the bucket.  I’m ready to give up.  I’m always ready to give up.  That’s something I do well.  I just stop.

I need a new path.  I new a new action.

If stopping in the middle is an action, I do that often.  I stop working out.  I stop a diet.  I stop a new hobby.  I can do that without blinking.  I need a new way of doing things.  I need to go.

This book is more than just a hobby or diet or exercise routine.  This is my dream.  It’s a desire that I’ve been harboring for years now.  I’ve imagine  becoming a writer for years and now I’m stepping out on that and the fear it pushing back.  Hard.   The fear is telling my I can’t do this.  The fear is telling me it’s not worth it.  The fear is telling  me that I don’t have the talent/idea to finish this book.  The fear is telling me to STOP.

I can’t do that with this thing.  I can’t sabotage this goal.  This goal is my life.  I can’t let this dream die, without my dreams I am nothing. I can’t be nothing.  I have to keep going even if at the end of 50,000 words I have nothing but crap.  I’ll have one thing, I would have finished.

Well let me get back to it.

Have you ever quit anything?  Are you currently pursuing your dreams?  Have you faced any difficulties while pursuing you dream?

NaNoWriMo 2012

Ok, November 1.  A day I’ve been excitedly dreading all year.  My first time participating in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month.  Yeah!  I woke up early in anticipation of writing (or from a bad dream-the jury’s still out) And 45 minutes in and I have yet to write.  I have checked email, Facebook, read about NaNoWriMo, added the word-count widget, changed my theme and completely stalled.  Fun times!  I even know what novel I want to write but fear reared its ugly head and now I’m finding it hard to start.  Fear.  Scared.  Really cute to have these feelings the day AFTER Halloween.  That’s me though.

So, now I have to start work.  An hour wasted procrastinating.  Well, let me tell you, this is why I signed up for the NaNoWriMo.  I needed to hold myself accountable (and publicly have others do the same) so that I would do it.  Some of these book ideas I have  had for years.  The one that I’ll be writing this month I’ve been mulling around for 2 years at least.  I can’t sit back and wait for life to happen to me anymore.  I have big dream about getting a book deal, getting one the NY Times best-selling list, making movies, etc.  Nice dreams but where is the book?

NO more excuses! I’m good at excuses, explanations, stall tactics and the like.  NO MORE, I say.  Here I go…Moving Forward.  By the end of November, my goal is 50,000 words written.  It all starts with just one.


Have you ever participated in a writing challenge? Any advice? Please?