Getting Over the Hump

7298.  That’s how many words I written for NaNoWriMo. 7298. That’s the most words that I’ve written for any of the novels that I have planned on writing in the past.  Heck, 1 was more words than I’ve ever written, but I digress.  Now I feel stuck.   I feel unmotivated and just plain frozen.  I  feel like I have written myself to a brick wall and I have no idea how to get over it, around it or under it.  It’s just here tormenting me.  What’s worse is that it’s not the blank page that is intimidating me, it the next paragraph.

7298.

That’s a lot of words for some people.  For someone who is going for 50,000 it’s a drop in the bucket.  I’m ready to give up.  I’m always ready to give up.  That’s something I do well.  I just stop.

I need a new path.  I new a new action.

If stopping in the middle is an action, I do that often.  I stop working out.  I stop a diet.  I stop a new hobby.  I can do that without blinking.  I need a new way of doing things.  I need to go.

This book is more than just a hobby or diet or exercise routine.  This is my dream.  It’s a desire that I’ve been harboring for years now.  I’ve imagine  becoming a writer for years and now I’m stepping out on that and the fear it pushing back.  Hard.   The fear is telling my I can’t do this.  The fear is telling me it’s not worth it.  The fear is telling  me that I don’t have the talent/idea to finish this book.  The fear is telling me to STOP.

I can’t do that with this thing.  I can’t sabotage this goal.  This goal is my life.  I can’t let this dream die, without my dreams I am nothing. I can’t be nothing.  I have to keep going even if at the end of 50,000 words I have nothing but crap.  I’ll have one thing, I would have finished.

Well let me get back to it.

Have you ever quit anything?  Are you currently pursuing your dreams?  Have you faced any difficulties while pursuing you dream?

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Why This Blog is So Late

Procrastination.

Oh, you need further explanation.  Well, excuse me! Humph!  Plain and simple procrastination has stopped me from writing my first blog post. That’s it.

So that not enough for you…Dang!  Just get all up and in my business, why don’t you.

The deeper truth is that I had/have this huge fear of failing.  A kind of crippling fear that has caused me to procrastinate, put off and any other way you want to put it, writing.  I tried before but never gave myself the space to actually succeed because I shut it down after 2 posts.  I wrote 4 or 5 short stories then stopped. I have written out  outlines for at least 2 novels but never wrote out “chapter 1”.

So by not giving 100% I actually failed.  I have realized the fear that I have been so “triumphantly” avoiding all these years.  I haven’t consistently kept up with a blog.  I haven’t shared any of my short stories. I haven’t started writing that novel.

But what’s different?

Short answer: I’m tired.

The long answer: maybe I’ll explain here, on this blog, over time.

But what it boils down to is that I’m over killing my own dreams.  There are enough haters in the world that will do that.  I’m now a Dream Chaser!  I have now decided  that I can no longer be on the sidelines of my own life, I’m the Quarter-back, I’m the Main Character.  I’m the Captain of the vessel and I can’t continue to get mad that the ship is in Antarctica when it’s supposed to be in Spain.

How are you feeding your fears? What do you plan on doing to stop that?