Grrrrr! A writer’s Love/Hate relationship with Writing

So if you don’t know, I’m doing the NaNoWriMo this month.  You can read about it here.  But I’ve been wondering the past few days do other writers have this love/hate thing going on with writing.  Is it just me?  Am I the only one that is pulling her hair out everyday?  (Not literally, of course…not yet.)

It’s like everyday the same thing happens: I turn on the spigot ready for the flow to rush out.  Of course it’s slow at first and a little cold.  Then it gradually warms up and the pressure starts to grow.  Then all of sudden, its rushing out, seeming to never stop.  Words tumble out and thoughts open up and the story takes on a life of it own.  Then I slowly turn the spigot back to off, satisfied with my daily contribution to the creative.  I’m so excited that evening and I lay down, proud of myself.  Then I wake up the next day, dreading the time ahead when I have to write again.

What if yesterday was a fluke?  What if I’ve used all the words I can?  What If I’ve done all this work and I truly suck?

Everyday, like clockwork the same thing happens.  And 12 days in you think I would be used to it.  Well I’m not.  And I’m just as intimidated today as I was yesterday, and 2 days ago, and a week ago, and on day 1.

I wish the questions would stop.  I wish the constant doubting  myself would stop.  I wish this was a lot easier.

But

I refuse to give up.  So today I didn’t write as many words as yesterday, I still write.  So today I wrote a blog post instead of words to my novel, I still write.  So today, I ran out of words and all I can write is “all work and no play makes Stephanie a dull girl”, I still write.

I write for my mother, who always wanted to write a novel and who I still believe will one day.  I write for my great-grandmother, who wrote two of the most beautiful poems that I’ve ever read but mot many people have.  I write for my younger cousins who I watch growing into beautiful young woman and I want them to fulfill their dreams.  And I write for myself, because without it, I don’t know who I would be.

Are you a writer that struggles with trying to write?  How do you encourage yourself to write?  Why do you write in the first place?