2013. We made it! Those Mayans were just full of themselves. I wasn’t worried, I swear. I knew I would be able to celebrate another birthday (Dec. 29) and I did.
So it’s 12 days into the New Year and I thought, “I haven’t written a blog post since November.” I haven’t even wrote and update on my NaNoWriMo progress. I won!! That means I wrote 50,000 words to a novel (50,013 to be exact) . What! Yes, and trust me that was a huge feat for me. I’ve never been so proud of myself. Then somewhere in the middle of December I remembered, I didn’t finish the novel. oops! So of Course my inner critic have been letting me have it. I’m not really a winner because I didn’t finish the book and I’m not acting like I ever will.
So that’s been happening.
But I decided not to let it ruin my holidays. I had time with the family, took pictures, received surprising and wonderful gifts and just relaxed. I celebrated being 1 year older (blah) and celebrated seeing another year pass (I made it!). Then back to work.
Now, on the 12th of January 2013, I’m tired, already. I’m ready for a vacation. Like the week took I in December never happened. I’m waiting for the next 3-day weekend (off the 21st, yes!) so I can rest. If this is how it’s going to be, then it’s going to be a long year. And I’m starting off wrong, I’m dreading writing again.
“But it’s a New Year and a New Start!” That’s what the Sunny Sunshine part of me is screaming. The Cynic, the dark and twisty (shout out to Grey’s) side of me is softly saying “You will never change. This will be yet another wasted year and your dreams won’t ever be realized.”
Why is the Cynic, who speaks softly, 100 times louder than the Sunny Sunshine?
I’ve made it another year. I’m proud and blessed for that. But this year, I have to kill the Cynic. She’s strong and have a passion to live. But she has to die, or at least lose her voice. She fights back when I try to kill her and she has a powerful punch. Her right hook will leave me avoiding my computer for days. And she is best friends with the Critic. Together they are far worse than the mean girls in High school. They are dream-killers. Yet, the Critic can be a ok chick when she is alone and constructive.
Not this year though. Although I’m not Sunny Sunshine (I hate her in the mornings, especially when she wakes me up before 5am), I need Sunny to keep me going. She is encouraging, life-affirming, excited, and also passionate about her life. And she likes to shout. And use all caps. She is annoying as heck but I need her on this path. She shouts, “YOU CAN DO IT!” “YOU’RE A STAR!” “YOU ARE PRETTY AND CAN WRITE!” Thanks Sunny! I do feel pretty today.
I don’t know what adventures that God has for me, or what bumps, hills or curves the road might take but I know that this year will be different because I’m striving to be different.
Are you doing New Year’s resolutions? Are you worried that things won’t change? How do you quiet you inner cynic?